


Who Needs Sober Ed?

by calm_crackhead



Series: Ed-Toxicated [2]
Category: Ed Edd n Eddy
Genre: Angst, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub, Don't worry, F/M, Face Slapping, Fluff, Hair Pulling Kink, Handcuffs, Light BDSM, Light Bondage, Ma'am, Marking, Nipple Play, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Sex, bratty eddy, degrading, dom reader, eddy's still a smug bastard, honestly kinda vanilla, it's only once and not throughout the fic, like hella angst, might make an epilogue or something, safe sex to save kids, separation anxiety?, subby eddy has an epiphany
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:27:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29453778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calm_crackhead/pseuds/calm_crackhead
Summary: Following a misadventure at a bar and a lost bet, Eddy romances you in the cheapest way possible, before a night of slightly kinky passion ensues.
Relationships: Eddy (Ed Edd n Eddy)/Reader
Series: Ed-Toxicated [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2163594
Comments: 2





	Who Needs Sober Ed?

**Author's Note:**

> i started out all light & silly, but migrated towards bittersweet & brooding  
> such is the life of a writer, i suppose  
> also, i care to mention that i was exceedingly lazy while writing this fanfic, it took me a year & almost a month to complete, i was hit with sudden inspiration this valentine's, due to my s/o not visiting me because of all the ice my state's currently receiving  
> anyways, i hope you enjoy my smutty, silly, sad story

After slipping your panties back on and finding your pants in the backseat, you focused on getting Eddy home, or at least tried to, since he was gloating over you losing the bet.

"So, babe, will that be cash, or cash? The candy store doesn't take credit."

"You're _still_ on about jawbreakers?" you asked incredulously, starting up the engine.

"Well duh, they're the best thing I've ever eaten! Heh, well," his voice dropped, "maybe the second best thing I've ever eaten."

You rolled your eyes and blushed. You could tell that he'd bring up this experience for weeks.

You pulled up into his driveway, and as he said before, his parents' car wasn't there. You were slightly curious as to where they were, but you didn't care enough to ask.

Eddy turned to you, a sly smile on his face.

"What?

"I was just thinkin' you might wanna park a little ways down from my house."

"Uh, why?"

"What I have in mind might require you spending the night," His smile faltered. "and, uh, my parents'll show up in the morning, and they'd murder me if they saw my girlfriend's car outside before they were home."

"Fair enough, I guess I'll park by Double D's."

"Sounds good. I'm gonna head inside and get ready, if you catch my drift," he replied, waggling his eyebrows.

"You're such a dork," you said, smiling.

"Ya might wanna hold off on name-calling, least 'til we get to the bedroom."

"Strange, I thought you might not want to think about Kevin's bullying while getting fucked," you mused, shifting into a thinking pose.

"Ew, no! I was just trying to be sexy, but you had to go and ruin it with stupid Kevin."

You giggled, then started to imitate the ginger jock. " _Oh,_ ** _fuck_** yeah, Dorky, mmm, suck it just like that--"

"Oh my fucking God, just go park at Double D's place before I change my mind," he interrupted, barely holding back a fit of laughter.

"Alright, baby. Try not to miss me too much while I'm gone."

"Hey, teasing's _my_ shtick."

"You gotta be able to take what you dish out."

"I'll remember that next time you bitch about getting a draw four in Uno." You glared playfully at him. He yawned and stretched out.

"Tired?"

"Yep, I better head on in and," A wink. "get some... preparation in. Maybe later you can come back and _help_ me." Double-wink. What a dork. When you got to know him he really sucked at flirting.

"Well, I plan that to be sooner rather than later. Can I get a good-bye kiss?"

Eddy blushed at this simple question and quickly pecked your lips. Regaining composure, he said, "Seeya later babe-- oops! I mean, sooner." He stumbled out of your truck and over to his door, when you were pulling out.

You drove the very short distance to Edd's. The light in his bedroom wasn't on, as you'd expected. You hoped that he wouldn't mind your presence as you parked on his lawn, got out, and crossed the road to Eddy's. The houses were casting shadows onto the asphalt due to the unusually bright light of the moon. You paused to admire it, before remembering a more urgent matter was at hand.

You arrived on Eddy's doorstep and opened the front door, locking it behind you so his parents wouldn't be suspicious.

Bread crumbs were strewn out in front of you, leading deeper into the house. You guessed they were improvised rose petals, and you followed them, praying that Eddy's mom would just vacuum them up later and not question it.

Eddy's bedroom door was closed. You took in a deep breath, preparing yourself for the painting-worthy scene that would surely be behind the door, and turned the handle.

The ceiling lights were turned off, the only things illuminating the room were candles and Eddy's lava lamp. His typical yellow polo and jeans lay crumpled on the floor, socks and shoes accompanying them. Eddy himself was lying on the bed on his side, dressed in his blue robe with purple trim, propping his head up with his left hand and holding a wine glass filled with grape juice. A jug of Tropicana was resting on his nightstand, casting a shadow. The smell of Eddy's cheap cologne and scented candles hung heavy in the air, creating a unique, pleasant combination.

"Could you be any faster?" Eddy said. "I was on my bed for like, three seconds before you burst through the door." He took a sip of grape juice, savoring it like the fine ersatz wine it was.

"I thought you might not want to be kept waiting." You took off your shoes.

"Touché. Didja like the trail I left for ya?"

You threw your shirt over your head, down onto the floor next to Eddy's jeans. "A bit too Hansel and Gretel for me."

Eddy set his glass onto his nightstand, forcing himself out of his French Girl's pose. "Sorry I didn't go out and buy you flowers like the lover boy I am, jeez."

Snorting at his sarcasm, you pulled down your pants and stepped out of them. Eddy's eyes followed the motion of your hips as you walked towards him. You lifted his chin with your index finger and said, "That's okay. Just show me where your handcuffs are."

"I'm glad you remembered." Eddy did indeed look glad as he cartoonishly leant over his bed to get something from underneath it, and pulled an unassuming suitcase out.

"Thank God Mom doesn't snoop, or I'd be dead by now," he said, sounding a bit too serious.

"Oh, please. It's just a pair of handcuffs." You sat down next to him.

"See for yourself," he said, passing the suitcase to you. You simply sighed and saw for yourself.

Holy shit, he wasn't wrong in saying his mom would kill him. There were a few of his dirty mags, lube, a couple of butt plugs, a wand vibrator, and finally some handcuffs.

"Jesus Christ, where'd you get all this?"

"Where do you think I got the fake IDs from?"

"Uh... your brother?" you asked, a little confused.

"What? No! I don't even--ya know what? It doesn't matter. What matters is you." Eddy took the handcuffs and placed them on your lap. "I want you to fuck me 'til I can't think of anything else."

"What a coincidence, we both want the same thing," you said, tugging him closer by the collar of his robe.

"Isn't it though? But like I said earlier..." His gaze flickered to your hand. He took a short breath. "You can do whatever you want to me."

"Oh, you're such a good boy." You teasingly crooned, petting his hair.

"Oh, we both know _that_ isn't true. I've been a **_really_** bad boy tonight."

You raised an eyebrow.

"Don't tell me you already forgot. Remember, those two hot girls back at the bar?" He leaned in and whispered, mouth against your ear, "I did that on purpose."

You felt the hairs on your neck bristle. You knew this was all in good fun, but something about the way Eddy said it made your blood boil.

"Just imagine it, me and them sneak off somewhere, and they're _begging_ to get fucked, all the while you're stuck out there drinking your stupid club soda, lookin' like a total third wheel. You need to keep me on a tighter leash; chicks can't get enough of me."

"So, you want me to keep you on a leash is what you're saying?" you retorted, a smug smile on your face.

Eddy immediately got flustered and started stuttering.

"You know, that could be arranged." You let your hand roam up to his neck, tracing your thumb against his Adam's apple. "You'd look fucking adorable in a collar," you whispered, watching his pupils dilate and his mouth open to speak, only for him to voice a soft whimper.

You hummed. "Does that turn you on? I don't have a collar, but I can improvise."

Relinquishing your hand from Eddy's neck, you took the handcuffs from your lap and grabbed the bottle of lube before you shoved the suitcase off, letting the rest of its contents spill all over the floor, which he usually would have protested to, but he was too occupied to take much notice as you pushed him down so his head hit his pillow.

Setting the handcuffs and lube to the side, you started untying his robe, which he graciously assisted in removing. You tossed the dark blue garment over the head of the bed.

You eyed his body greedily, he finally had some chest hair that wasn't pencilled on, his belly had a little pudge, and his nipples were unsurprisingly hard, along with something else that was concealed by a flamboyant choice of underwear.

"Leopard print underwear?" you said, looking up into Eddy's eyes, feigning surprise. "That's quite a statement, Eddy."

Partially snapped out of his aroused trance, he replied, "You need to stop hangin' around Double D. I paid a good ten bucks for 'em."

"I wasn't trying to make fun of you. I think they're cute," you said, plucking the waistband, making him bite his lip in anticipation. "I'm not taking them off just yet, so don't get too excited."

You straddled Eddy and picked up the pair of handcuffs you'd cast aside earlier. They were black with padded insides. Steel studs were set into the belts encircling the cuffs. You unhooked the eye buckle from one handcuff and slid it onto one of his offered wrists, then on the other, carefully lacing the chain across the back of one of the wooden columns, and clasped them back together.

Eddy tested them. "You should tighten 'em. My hands could slip out."

Taking his advice, you tightened the handcuffs. "They should be fine, now. Are they too tight?" You didn't try hiding your concern as you made a move to loosen the belts.

"No, baby, don't worry bout it," Eddy assured you, looking up at you with his pupils blown wide, so much so that you could hardly make out the sliver of baby blue around them.

"Okay, I just wanna make sure you're comfortable."

"The handcuffs are kinda padded, but thanks anyway," he said, before his affect changed dramatically, his voice going into that seductive tone from that same night, "So, what's the 'improvised collar' you were talking about?"

"I'm glad you remembered," you repeated what he said earlier, before pinning his bound arms down and kissing him.

He made a surprised sort of noise, but quickly returned the kiss, wasting no time in running his tongue over your lips, proposing that you two French kiss, because the phrase "begging for entrance" is embarrassingly overused. You normally would have rejected him, wanting to take longer to start using tongue, but not this time. You accepted, languidly stroking your tongue against his, happily noticing that he'd brushed his teeth while you were at Edd's, the minty aftertaste mingling with the sip of grape juice he had. You let one of your hands slide down into his hair, gripping it. Force of habit, you supposed. He groaned, grinding as much as he could up against you, before you stopped kissing him and moved your hips further down onto his thighs, where he couldn't reach.

Eddy made the most pathetic sound you ever heard, whining like a sad puppy, looking at you with his eyebrows drawn. "B-babe, why'd ya--"

You chose not to answer his question with words, instead leaning forward to kiss his neck, causing him to sigh and bare his neck more for you.

Your kisses were light, gradually becoming rougher until you opened your mouth and bit hard around the skin connecting his neck and shoulder.

A sharp gasp met your ears, quickly morphing into a low moan as you sucked a hickey into his neck.

You pulled away so you could gauge Eddy's reaction. He gazed back into your eyes, his mouth slightly agape, breathing shakily. " _Damn_. Didn't expect that."

"If you don't want me to bite, that's okay, I swear--I just wanted to leave a mark."

"Nah. Fuckin' _bite_ _me_ , baby."

"Kinky bastard."

"Heh, that's me."

You pulled his head to the side by his hair, lowering yourself again to ravish his neck. You bit down harder this time, wanting him to know just what he was getting himself into. Judging by his sudden jump and " _fuck_ " escaping his lips in a moan, you guessed he liked it.

You bit more marks into him, just to make certain it wouldn't be easy hiding all of them. Maybe that would give the other girls a clue that he was _yours._

"Mmmph...! Fuck, babe, how am I supposed to hide all these?" he asked, as if reading your thoughts.

"You aren't," you said before you leaned back, unclasping your bra.

He had no reply, opting for staring unabashedly at your tits.

"No smart remark? What a pity."

"Nah." He looked up to you, smirking. "I could make it up to you, if you're that disappointed." He offered tiddy succ subtly, his eyes flitting towards your breasts and back into your eyes, keeping that stupid fucking smirk all the while.

"All in due time. Now, shh."

"Maybe gagging me with your panties would help make me shut up," he said cheekily, though he blushed at the thought.

"Don't give me any bright ideas now, Eddy." You pinched one of his nipples, grinding against his clothed dick.

" _God_..." His voice rose an octave, eyes closed shut, scrunched up in pained bliss.

You smiled, feeling mischievous. You brought your hand to his other nipple, pinching it as well. The position was awfully like twisting dials on an old TV, but you pushed the thought from your mind so you wouldn't laugh thinking about it.

You eventually eased up on his nipples, resting your hands on his chest instead. You stayed like this for a minute or so, just enjoying him and his pleasured little noises, lazily sliding your hips on his.

"H-hey," he began, "as much as I like this, if we're gonna fuck, ya need to stop teasin' me."

You hesitantly stopped, you were enjoying this, but you didn't want him feeling bad just because he came early.

"That's alright, babe. Do you wanna just cuddle for a bit?"

"Yeah, that sounds nice."

You shuffled off of him and hugged him from the side, nuzzling his cheek. You felt his body relax after a bit.

"Say, do you have any condoms?" you broke the silence.

"There's one under my pillow."

You shoved your hand under the pillow to feel for it, lo and behold, there was the legendary contraceptive, held right between your fingertips. You tsked. "You naughty boy--what would the tooth fairy do?"

He snickered. "Maybe she'd have safe sex with the Sandman."

You smiled. "But seriously though. What are you doing with condoms? We haven't fucked before."

"I planned ahead. I knew you couldn't resist my devilishly handsome looks forever." He stuck his tongue out.

"What woman in her right mind could?" you countered, licking the tongue he stuck out. Instead of pulling his tongue back and blushing like you thought he would, he captured your lips with his, circling his tongue over yours before settling at its bottom and suckling it. You couldn't control yourself and moaned into the kiss. Everything this boy did ended up always making you feel good. You pulled away from the kiss, panting lightly.

Eddy grinned. "Maybe I shouldn't be the one in cuffs after all."

You caught your breath and glared down at him. You weren't necessarily always the one who took charge but you didn't need this. You slapped him. Hard.

He yelped and jerked his hands, the metal of the cuffs making a low, hollow sound on the wood.

Before he could say another disparaging word you yanked his hair, making him look you in the face.

"You need to get a grip, you fucking brat. Smart off again and you _won't_ like what I'll do to you. Get it through your thick skull that I'm in control, and whatever you do is explicitly for me. I fucking own you. Got it?"

A whine came from his throat halfway through your admonition, but he nodded.

"I need your word, Eddy."

"Yes, ma'am. I'm all yours, you're in charge." Surprisingly, he said this without the slightest hint of sarcasm.

"Good boy." Your hand fell from his hair and you traced your way down to his cock. He was hard. "Is this from me talking to you like that, baby?"

He blushed and nodded, looking away in shame.

"Such a naughty boy, getting all horny from being degraded. That's why you spoke with those girls, isn't it? So you could have me talk down to you like the slut you are?" You were rubbing the palm of your hand around his bulge.

Eddy wanted to defend himself, saying that you were no better--even in the semi-darkness it was clear you were soaked--but he bit his tongue. Instead he made a sound of affirmation, grinding against your hand and moaning to drive his point home.

"Hey, be still," you ordered, dragging down his briefs. His dick sprung forward; not exaggeratedly so, like in porn. It was a good size, not too big, not too small. He was more of a shower than a grower.

He suddenly felt self-conscious. "Maybe you can take your panties off?"

You smiled, graciously pulling them down and laying them inside the nightstand drawer. "My gift to you."

He smiled and mentally fist-bumped himself. His brother bragged about having a hundred and some odd panties all from different girls he's shagged. The only girl Eddy wanted was you, though.

You got in front of him and took the condom out from its foil. You rolled it on all the way down to the base and took the lube that had luckily not fallen off the edge of the bed, lubing up the palm of your hand and stroking his cock.

You watched him carefully, trying to take note of any hesitance or unease that may show itself. None came. Of course, this was Eddy, the biggest horndog in Peach Creek High, he's probably been waiting for this moment his whole life.

He groaned, the latex, your hand, it was almost too much to handle. He scrunched his eyes shut.

You stopped, alarmed. "Are you alright, baby?"

"I'd be better if ya just hurried up and fucked me, as much as I don't wanna admit it, endurance ain't my specialty."

You smiled. You positioned yourself over his cock, doing a weird balancing act as you fingered yourself, using the last of the lube. He watched, entranced as you stretched yourself as best you could. You locked eyes with him and moaned, circling your fingers inside of you. Oh, how he yearned to touch you and help you get off. He realized handcuffs were really more of a punishment than a deviant sexy addition to any couple's life, as described by multiple magazines he began to read instead of skimming for pictures (which he still did, admittedly).

He needed to taste you.

" _Fuck_ , you're hot. Can I please--" _Touch you_? _Have you get rid of these cuffs so I can hold your waist and help you fuck yourself on me_? _Please_? _I'll be so good for you, baby. I'll eat you out over and over again if that's what you want, let you use my back as a footrest while you finger yourself and watch TV, forget to buy you flowers, flirt with some stupid bitch--something you don't like, and let you spank me so I bruise, wear your marks every damn day so no one tries to take what belongs to you, please just take these fucking handcuffs_ _ **OFF**_.

He choked on his words and went silent, overwhelmed by emotion. Why'd he feel so... submissive? Could that describe all of what he felt for you? It was hurting his brain.

Falsely thinking you knew what he was going to say, you smirked. "It's okay, baby. You don't have to say anything." You brought your fingers from your pussy up to his mouth, passing his lips and resting on his tongue.

Eddy's mind exploded. He couldn't think rationally anymore, he'd leave that to you. He lapped at your fingers, and sucked desperately, reveling in the taste of you. He moaned around your fingers. "I luboo." _Fuck_. He hoped you didn't understand.

"Hmm?" You slipped your fingers out of his mouth.

"I..." Eddy breathed deeply. "I _love_ that."

You beamed, glowing with pride. His enjoyment along with something else you couldn't place was evident. "Then you'll love this even more."

You glided down easily onto his cock, thanks to the lube, and moved your hips as deftly as possible. You rested your hands on his chest and fucked him, biting your lip but not quite suppressing the mewl you knew you were going to make. Even with the condom everything felt astounding. Eddy obviously felt the same, throwing his head back before recovering so he didn't have to miss a second of you.

He stretched you more than you thought was possible, giving you this indescribable sensation. Like... being full. Completed was the word that eluded you. You didn't want to separate yourself from him, everything felt too good, too real. You had dreams of ways you might've fucked him, but none of them were on par with this. You quickened your thrusts, moaning and not caring about your composure, all that mattered was him.

His cock rubbed vigorously against your g-spot, that ribbed condom worked wonders. Just a little more and you'd come...

Just as Eddy was moaning, you heard the front door click. You stopped dead, still sitting on his cock. You heard hushed voices and it dawned on you that it was Eddy's parents. What were they doing home so early?

Eddy looked petrified, as if his mom would storm into his room and hold up a cross, banishing him to the seventh layer of Hell for indulging in sexy teenage fun times. Oh yeah, his mom was a devout Catholic.

Refocusing your attention on Eddy, you gently swayed your hips. Not bouncing, like slightly wriggling.

" _whatareYOUDOING?!_ " Eddy whisper-yelled.

You simply smiled, held a finger to your lips, and continued.

Eddy held in moans, loud breathing, everything. You thought he had died when his parents walked by his room.

That's when there was pounding on the door, which stopped even you. The shrill voice of Eddy's mother penetrated the walls. " _ **LEARN HOW TO CLEAN UP YOUR MESSES, YOUNG MAN! I'M SICK OF IT**_!"

"Sorry, Mom!" he yelled back.

" _ **YOU'LL BE REALLY SORRY IF YOU DO IT AGAIN**_! _**NOW GO BACK TO SLEEP**_!"

"Yes, ma'am!"

You heard her thudding away before you erupted into a fit of giggles. "Good thing I'm not like Mommy, huh?" Eddy was not amused.

"Hey." You tilted his chin. You debated your next words carefully. "I love you."

"I--" Eddy's voice cracked. "I can't say it back, sorry babe. I do really like you, though. Like, a lot. Otherwise I wouldn't let you handcuff me."

You hummed, thrusting onto him again. Thank God he was semi-hard and not soft after that ordeal.

He moaned much more quietly than he did earlier, and you fingered your clit, feeling shockwaves go through your whole body while you came. You thought he came the same time as you; his abs tensed up and he whimpered.

Without him asking, you unhooked his handcuffs and set them aside so he could throw away his condom. After he got up and trashed it, he looked at you apologetically. "I need to piss."

You laughed, so did you.

* * *

You and Eddy cuddled, he had wanted you both to wear underpants "to avoid accidental slippage, which may or may not result in unexpected pregnancy." (He let you borrow one of his pairs of basketball shorts.)

You woke up randomly in the middle of the night. You checked his alarm clock, it read 4:25 in green digital numbers. You struggled to find a comfortable position. Eddy held you tighter, burying his face in your chest. " _Please d_ _on't leave me, (Y/n)_."

You stroked his hair. _"I won't, Eddy. I_ promise."

You swore you saw him smile.


End file.
